Losing someone you love is the ultimate in life struggle. It is impossible to think straight, difficult to function and it seems that there is a moment where you wonder if there is any point in staying around to battle through. It feels as though the family is no longer whole, perhaps nobody understands, feeling lonely is a daily event and we develop consuming lethargy. It is normal that you have changed. It is okay to feel the myriad of conflicting emotions so be gentle with yourself.
First of all, you CAN still learn to enjoy a wholesome, healthy and contented life.
This is the time to look after yourself. This is the defining moment when you can make some small but important choices.
There is no way to avoid the normal stages of grief. These stages are shock, denial, anger, guilt and acceptance. However, there are many things that we can do to assist each other and ourselves in making this journey of grief as gentle as possible. We are all different and will be soothed in different ways from one another. Here are a few ideas to encourage ourselves back to a tiny place of hope. It is a slow journey as we are inevitably changed deep within ourselves but take each little moment and work towards a healthier you. Our loved ones on the other side are distressed to see us so miserable.
Take little steps and from there you will grow:
- Acknowledge your grief. Talk to someone. There are many qualified people whom are wonderful in helping us to understand and work with our grief.
- Light candles for your loved one. This is especially lovely for those on the other side.
Place flowers around the place. This gives a positive vibe.
- Talk to your loved one. Write to them. Pray for them. This helps them to heal on the other side as well as it feeling lovely for you.
- Create!!! Journal your thoughts. Perhaps you are a painter or drawer. Find your creative thing whether it be woodwork or spray painting. Create anything you feel like. You will surprise yourself with the depth of your ability to create something wonderful with your loved one in mind.
- Plant a tree or particular flowering bush for your loved one. Perhaps create an entire back yard section for you to sit in and spend time thinking about your special loss. A Japanese garden maybe? Get up and create whatever soothes you and feels right.
If you do not like the idea of throwing away your loved one’s clothes, then why not make a quilt out of them, or a bed spread, or collage, or how about a beach bag out of a pair of jeans? (sounds wacky but how nice to go out with something of your loved one) Why not?
- Keeping and drying a bit of those funeral flowers, a bit of that tree you planted and some of that bush he or she loved can be great things to put in a frame with a photo and a brass name plate.
- Acknowledge events such as Easter, Birthdays and Christmas. Just because you can’t see your loved one does not mean that haven’t popped by to see you! Send up some balloons, go out for dinner and charge a glass. Do what feels nice to remember the person you spent your life with. They will be so excited!
- Copy all the favourite songs of your loved one onto a disc for you to play whenever you like.
Give Yourself Practical Help
- When you lose someone, the world stops for a long time. Your house may become a mess and feel overwhelming. See if you can squeeze a cleaner into your budget whether for a spring clean to get you back on your feet or even more regularly.
- Splash out on a massage or arrange Reiki. Reiki is a wonderful energy healing that is enormously beneficial for grieving people. There are many gentle and supportive natural therapies that are non-invasive and soothing. This is a great way to release some heartache in a safe environment.
- Eating and obtaining adequate nutrition and enough sleep are common issues. Keep in touch with your GP. Seeing a caring Naturopath is also useful to help balance your system, which has taken a nasty shock.
- If someone offers to take you out for coffee, then accept. It is easier to get back into the world with company. Take someone with you when getting groceries for a while. Supermarkets are a danger zone for a few months. EVERYTHING from cornflakes to favourite chocolates can take you for an unexpected downward fall as you remember your loved one’s particular habits and tastes. Expect this and plan your shopping until you feel stronger.
- Later on, when life settles and the time feels right, find some aims. Take up a short course. Learn a new skill however small. Your life has changed. This is a great time to consider what things you wished you could do. Think about beginning these things.
Start small and be proud of your accomplishments.
- There will come a time when you notice that you are able to function again. Don’t force it. Instead gently guide yourself to take a few activities up and focus on some things that interest you.
Slowly, slowly you will come back to life.